Choji's Secret Life
by Sakura-Chan's Twin Sista
Summary: Choji has a secret life that no one knows about..


**Choji and His Attempts to Appear to be a Fat Fucker in order to Possess Any Character Depth**

"Oh Jenny! You're my hero! Jenny Craig!" the fattest member of squad ten bowed before a giant cardboard cut-out of the weight-loss guru. "I love you so much!" Hearts floated above his head as he sang his love and devotion to his idol. He stood up and closed his closet to hide his long lasting obsession.

_"The only thing that gives you any character depth at all is your fat physique and that crazy obsession you have with barbeque chips!!" _he remembered what Ino, the ugly blonde girl that only has character depth because her fake ass bleached hair and her obsession with Sasuke, the emo bastard of the village, and her hatred towards the much prettier Sakura, whom everyone already knows is going to end up with Sasuke and, by the way, still has her natural hair color and an ass load of character depth, said. _Stupid bitch_, Choji thinks. _The only person with less character depth than_ _you is Ten-Ten, and she is ten-ten times prettier than your ugly ass with ever be! Shit. _Choji stopped ranting in his mind because he noticed the clock. It was time to meet Shikamaru at the ramen shop. He walked there alone, rembering to slow his pace every time someone he knew, or could know, walked by.

"Choji! You're late. Not that I expected anything more, since you walk so slow." Shikamaru greeted him, wisecracking as usual.

"Yeah. Funny. Um... Shikamaru, do you think I have any character depth other than my weight?" Choji seemed uneasy.

"Well yeah. There's also the chip thing. And your hatred towards Ino".

"Well, okay. But like... more than that. Something else that makes me more interesting. Something that matters more than my size. Something thing that will still be around if I lost weight and confessed my love to Ino". Shikamaru sat in silence and thought.

"Nope. Not really. That's kinna your thing. The writer was lazy with supporting characters." That was easy for Shikamaru to say, who was basically the only supporting character with any major character depth. _Stupid lazy smart ass with all your freaking fangirls and what not! _Choji ordered his ramen and ate in silence. _I'll show you Shikamaru! I'll show everyone! I DO have character depth. _The teammates finished there food, paid and began to walk to the training grounds.

"Shikamaru... I'm not feeling very good. I don't think I can train with you today. Sorry..."

"That's okay. Its probably something you ate."

_Very funny_, Choji though. _It's ALWAYS something I ate._

"I wasn't really crazy about training today either. It's too troublesome." Choji and Shikamaru went their separate ways home. Choji reached in his shuriken holster and grabed a Special K granola bar. _These are the bomb! _he thought as he bit into his all time favorite snack. _They are waaay better than those nasty barbeque chips! _

"Choji!! What's up?" Naruto ran up to him. The young bright orange ninja had such high amounts of energy that it didn't matter how much he ate, which Choji had noticed was more than he could eat. Even though he had a crazy obsession with ramen, he was the main character and had the most character depth of anyone. If he stopped eating ramen only Iruka, his gay mentor, would notice.

"Hi Naruto. Nothing much. Just heading home," Choji scrambled to hide his high fiber/low calorie snack. "What about you?"

"I was just heading to the ramen shop to meet Iruka-sensei. He's treating me to lunch before I go on another awesome mission with Kakashi-sensei."

_Figures. He's going to eat __more__ food. Why is it that I'm the only one that gets labeled as a pig?_

"I'd ask you to join me, but I bet you already ate! Ha-ha. That would be just like you." The blonde ninja laughed without even thinking that that could piss Choji off.

"Yeah. Ha. You're right. That's me. Always thinking of my stomach..." Choji faked it off, as if everything was fine. "Well, Naruto, I'm gonna get going now. Enjoy your ramen." Choji waved good bye and continued home. _At long last, I find myself reunited with you, my dear, sweet Jenny. _"I swear to you, one day I will live your life style of diet and exercise!" Choji sat in his closet and sulked. He knew that he had a character inside him that no one else had seen. Then it came to him. "I'll prove them wrong! I'll prove them all wrong!" Choji ran to the bathroom and threw up. "I bet now I can fit into my new leather pants!!"

Choji began a "diet" and started to "exercise". "I'm sorry Jenny! Your diet plan takes too long. I swear when I'm done being a bolemic whore, I will begin to live your life style." Choji had read in a book that he stole from Jiraiya that sex is the best way to burn calories. Not that Choji was consuming any. Any food that Choji ate ended up in the toilet 6 minutes later.

"Choji...I've noticed that you keep rushing to the bathroom...Is there something wrong with you bowels, man?" Shikamaru asked him one day while they ate barbque pork with Asuma-sensei.

"Yeah really, Choji. Should I check you into the hospital or something?" Choji's sensei reached foward and grabbed pork off the grill. "I wouldn't want something bad to happen to you."

"I'm fine. I just have a yeast infection...My dad says its normal...Excuse me!" Choji ran to the bathroom and threw up.

"EW! CHOJI! WHAT THE HELL!" Choji had ran into the wrong bathroom and didn't bother to look where he had thrown up. Ino was sitting on the toilet with a pile of Choji's vomit on her lap. "GOD DAMN IT, YOU DUMB FAT ASS! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" Ino stood and ran after Choji, chasing him back into the resterant and then outside. "COME BACK HERE FATSO!!"

"What the h--... Ino? Choji?" Asuma and Shikamaru stood and followed there two teammates. "Oh Christ," Shikamaru whispered to his sensei. "Ino forgot to pull her skirt up..." Sure enough, the blonde member of squad ten was running in circles with her skirt around her ankles. "I didn't know her bandages only went up to her thighs..." Ino finally noticed when she fell face foward onto the ground. Choji turned and noticed, and he wasn't the only guy to see Ino's skinny ass. Choji looked at this as a once-in-a-lifetime chance to grab Ino's butt, so he did.

"Dude, you're sick. She's your teammate and you rival. Why did you touch her butt?"

"Because she's also the love of my life!!" Choji threw up on Ino's back and ran away.

"Did she... die?" Ausma picked up a stick and poked Ino's butt."Has she had lyposuction or something?"

"I don't care! Her ass is beautiful!" Jiraiya ran to Ino with a digital camara. "Oh! This is the best resurch I've gotten in this whole village!!"

MEANWHILE! Choji ran home to change into his fishnet and mini skirt. It was almost 6, which ment he would have to catch the bus to Tokyo, where he is a street walker. He's noticed that if he gets male clients, he looses weight faster. Choji struggled to apply his eyeliner on the bus. "Would you like any food?" the lady pushing the food cart asked him, which made him poke himself in the eye.

"I would but... I don't know what the hell a food cart is doing on a bus."

"But... It's free. You look like a boy who would love free food," She smiled enticingly.

"Fine!" Choji cried. "Since I look like such a fucking fat ass!" Tears ran down his face as he shoved a 587 layer chocolate cake down his throat. _You're such a fat fucking slut! _Choji cried to himself as he ran to the bathroom on the back of the bus and threw the cake up._ You're dad will never love you. You'll never get a girlfriend. You might as well spend the rest of your life in this nasty bathroom. You're crap, Choji! Utter crap!_

"LAST STOP! ALL PASSENGERS PLEASE EXIT THE BUS!" Choji stood up, gathered his things and got off the bus. _All this just to obtain a little character depth? What the fuck? _By now, Choji had already lost 127.8 lbs and was about to loose more after he met his new client that contacted him on the internet: . _I hope he makes it quick_, Choji thought. He was supposed to met him in the parking lot a Kinko's. He looks around for people. No one was usually there at midnight other than the workers. Choji waits and watches as people head to there cars. _Is that Kakashi? Is Kakashi SnakeSannin669? _Kakashi gets into an 81 Honda and drives away._ Okay, maybe he isn't_.

"Peek-a-boo!" Choji turns to see a man that looks like Michel Jackson wearing a hot pink belly shirt and a banana hammock.

"...SnakeSannin669?" Choji is horoified by what his life has come to. Here he is in a miniskirt and fishnets about to become the King of Pop's bitch. _Is having character depth really worth all this? Yes. Yes it is! _

"Yes'm. You're a cutie. Are you ready for the best night of your life?" He opened his mouth to revile the longest tounge Choji had ever seen. Sweat drops down his forehead as he reaches for a notecard that he printed off .

"The...the real question is...are...are you ready?" Choji read in discust, with his left eye twitching the whole time. He walked over to the nearest trash can and threw up.

"What the fuck!? You bitch. See if I pay you for anything. I can just rape you for free!"

"No no no! I'm so sorry. I wasn't throwing up because of you. I'm buliemic."

"Oh. Okay then. That changes everything thing. Anyway, cutie, I decided that, to save money, we can just screw in the bathroom of that gasstation. I'm sorry it's not more romantic..."

"It's fine," Choji lied, but he couldn't really be picky. I mean, he's a whore, for Christ sake. So that's where they went. Because of his resent lack of nutrience and sexual habbits, Choji had no energy and was knocked out cold within the first five minutes. When he woke up he found himself in a hospital. "What the...".

"Shh. Doctor said you shouldn't move or talk," Shikamaru was sitting in a chair next to Choji's playing shogi by himself. "You passed out in a gasstation bathroom. Someone had dressed you in hooker cloths and wrote "Orochimaru waz herr" on the wall with lipstick. Really a funny story, actully. Almost funnier than this," Shikamaru handed Choji 'Come Come Paridice Vol. 13' and laughed, refurring to the cover picture. "That's Ino's ass. Funny, huh?" Choji grabbed the book from Shikamaru and hid it under his pillow.

"Hilarious."

"Don't talk. You still need to heal from your surgery," Shikamaru scolded. Choji looked down and noticed that his body was excatly the same as it was before he started his "diet". They had pumped his body with fat. Choji looked completly shocked. He mouthed the word: Why? "Simple. Your body didn't have enough fat to keep it alive so they took the fat that they pumped out of Ino's butt and put it in you." Choji grined. _Ino's ass will forever be inside me_. Shikmaru stood. "I should be going. Get some sleep. You should be out of the hospital in no time. Let me know when you get home, okay?" He waved and left the room.

The next morning Choji was checked out of the hospital and sent home. He put on his leather pants, picked up a velvet box and picked a boquet of flowers. He was going to tell Ino how much he loved her. He had invited her to join him for training, but little did she know he had gotten Naruto to redecorate the training grounds into a giant love garden. Choji arived before Ino and saw what a horrible job Naruto did. The training ground looked like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. There was candy and ramen thrown all over the grounds. There was probabally only 3 flowers in the whole "garden". Choji scrambled to eat all the food becaues he didn't want Ino to see it. He put some of the ramen in tupperware cups and set up a picnic.

"What...the hell?" was all Ino said when she walked to him through the garden. "Stupid Fatso! You couldn't stay away from food for week. Lose some weight."

"...But...but I did. I lost more than a hundred pounds for you. Then I paied Naruto to set up a garden for you, but it didnt work like I planed... I'm so sorry Ino."

"That...is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Ino," Choji said as he got on one knee. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Ew. What the fuck noob?! Hell know. I only date guys with character depth." She threw a random cup of lemonaid at him and walked away.

"Well that sucks." Choji walked home, more depressed than ever. "Oh well. At least I have you, Jenny."


End file.
